Post by Shini on Mar 16, 2006 14:02:27 GMT -5
"My dad's such a bastard. He's probably a dragon" -Gabe
"I'll drop an orca on it!" -Brian
(after Gabe uses Enlarge Self)
"You're Superdyke!" -Shini
Shini: I change my tune and start singing the Superdyke theme song. It's like the Pokemon theme
Gabe: Can it be the Digimon theme?
Brian: You're Champion kind!
Gabe: I Dykievolved!
"I greased the dyke" -Brian
"Oh no! Nonmagical wind! What am I going to do?!" -Brian
"What? Me? Oh, you're Charm Monstering me, that's sexy" -John
Brian: Paul! I want you!
Shini: Oh baby oh baby?
Brian: Dammit!
John: Everyone be quiet
Brian: Ok
John: That's the opposite of my instruction!
Brian: Ok
John: Stop agreeing and just do it!
Jim: I'm a ninja
Brian: No, you're a monkey
"I'm so satisfied with life right now. I'm riding a dinosaur" -John
"Bad touch?! OOO!" -Jim
Brian: I land like this on Rusty's Head (Crane-style)
John: How much do you weigh?!
Brian: Nothing. You might not even notice I'm there
Paul: Brian has successfully depressed the dragon
Brian: I was like 'MAN you're ugly! Ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly!'
"Did you just call me a cracker? I prefer the term 'honkie American', thank you" -John
Shini: I want a slinky!
Paul: No!
Shini: I Craft a slinky!
Paul: No!
Shini: ::rolls 19::
Paul: I can't argue with that
"There's a fine line between tickling someone and gouging out their innards" -Brian
"Go to Wee Jas! At least Wee Jas is magically delicious!" -Brian
"I need no such cookbook!" -Shini
"This will only end in tears" -Shini
Alex: Olympic Glades of Arboria. Glades sounds nice. Glades is a good word. Rhymes with blade
Shini: That's not necessarily a good thing
Alex: Blades of grass! Grass is good
Shini: You're reaching here. You're really reaching
Shini: Are you still going on about that divine rank?
Brian: I'll keep saying it till it's true!
Shini: I hate you in the face
Jim: Aww. You're so cute!
Paul: You feel a searing pain in your blood
John: Agh! My blood! That's where I keep my...
Paul: Blood!
Jim: Don't blame me cuz I take all the useful Feats
Paul: They're not useful! They're obnoxious!
Shini: Funny how those two intertwine
"Secrets don't make friends, Jim!" -Shini
Brian: That's what me and Wally do while the rest of you sleep. We gamble with pit fiends
Jim: They're really sore losers
Brian: Yeah they are
Shini: Stop smirking. I don't trust you
Jim: But why?
Shini: It's you and you're smirking. That's two for two
"Succubus door!" -Brian
Shini: Stop smirking!!
Jim: But I'm such a happy person!
Shini: I'm happy inside for you
Jim: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
Gabe: I knew I shouldn't have eaten that extra sweet roll at breakfast. If I'd just left off the sticky buns, I wouldn't have set off this trap
Shini: I'm sorry! I'll put you on a diet, Jesus!
Jim: Heh-heh-heh. Time to be on my throne of bone
Shini: How does that make you feel?
Jim: Kinda cold and empty inside
Shini: Aww
"You can't find traps but you can find THE DOORBELL?!" -Brian
Gabe: I'm sorry, we didn't know this was a home!
Paul: You rang the doorbell!
Gabe: I didn't know there WAS a doorbell!
Paul: Neither did I!
Paul: (as a dragon) Who's the delicious one?
Brian: That would be me
Paul: ::lick:: Ehh...
Brian: Now I am! ::casts Prestidigitation::
Paul: ::lick:: Mmm, peppermint!
Gabe: Great, now we have a peppermint twelve-year-old
Shini: Uuuuaaaagghhhh...
Gabe: I wasn't going to make any jokes about candy canes. I really wasn't
"You have horrible taste in... Jim" -Paul
"Alysia, don't make me strangle you. I may be sick, but I can STILL KILL YOU" -Brian
"I'm a monk-ey" -Jim
Jack: I don't care, he's hideous
Brian: He's too ugly to live!
(referring to the Vrock attacking him)
Brian: It's attacking a child
Alysia: I just got here, and what is a child doing in the Plane of Chaos?
Brian: Having a damn good time!
"It's an unwritten rule that whenever you Crit with an icepick, you stab them in the eye" -Jack
"I make a Tickle attack" -Jack
Alex: Crap! I've been skipping my last attack every time
Shini: Oops
Brian: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHNNNN!!!
Shini: Do we still get XP?
Paul: Yes. The monster cannot run away with its XP
Gabe: 'Haha! I'll take my XP with me, you bitches!'
"I did it. I killed it into butterflies" -Jim
Shini: Are we introducing ourselves?
Brian: I already introduced myself
Shini: Right. Auron the Delicious
Brian: Yes
Shini: Auron the MAGICALLY Delicious!
Paul: Yes, actually!
Brian: Well, I do carry hearts stars and horseshoes
Shini and Jim: Clovers and blue moons. Pots of gold and rainbows
Jim: And me red balloons
Shini: Why are we the fashionistas of this party?
Gabe: ::shrug::
Shini: Oh boy. I can feel my soul slowly dying
Jim: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
"No-one gives me any cool book-toys!" -Brian
Gabe: Jim, don't masturbate on the paper
Jim: I'll masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"Make a Knowledge fuckyermom check" -Shini
Brian: Gazuntheit
Shini: Dammit! I wanted to, you bastard!
Brian: Exactly!
Shini: I need to expel the demons!
Brian: I wanted them in there!
Alex: Aww, I'm all wet
Brian: I have that effect on women
"Oh. Great. We're fighting a toothy maw. Fabulous. This is awkward" -Shini
"Hey look! The Awkward faerie!" -Jack
Paul: I was being arbitrary
Jack: I woulda said assanine
Gabe: Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck
Shini: You wanna tell the class what just happened?
Paul: (as Thrivary) Stop throwing your sword at me
Shini: Oh Jesus, sorry Thrivary! I'll make you beans tonight
Paul: Damn skippy
"You have what we like to call 'schizophrenia', also known as 'batshit fucking insane'" -Jack
"Jim, with all due respect, you's a ho" -Shini
Jack: ::rolls 18:: Apparently my Dungeons & Dragons penis is bigger than yours
Alysia: Dammit!
Jack: But it has its acidic juices inside! The rulebook tells me so!
Alex: Did you say Hasidic juices?
"He face-farted at you!" -Shini
"I put the dice away! They're dead to me" -Jack
Alysia: I lay my hands on myself
Jack: The Paladin's touching herself!
Brian: The molestation of healing!
"I make an Assanine Tumble check" -Jack
Shini: I have a bad feeling about this
Alex: Don't say that! Nothing good can come of that statement!
Shini: I have to say it once each session! It's a 'Star Wars' thing!
Brian: Did Reya just become a huge ignoramus?
Paul: A small ignoramus. What's your Intelligence score now?
Alex: Eight
Shini: That's a pretty significant ignoramus
Paul: You see two wiry corpses spring up from the ground
Shini: Oh I love wiry corpses
Paul: Their skin is pulled back tightly across their faces, and they have sharp pointy teeth
Shini: It's Joan and Melissa Rivers!
Jim: They're so hot
Paul: Their skin is pale grey, and they have long vicious claws
Shini: They're DEFINITELY Joan and Melissa Rivers
Paul: They have creepy yellow eyes that burn with an unholy light
Shini: NOW I know beyond ALL DOUBT, they're Joan and Melissa Rivers
Jim: So hot
Paul: Wow. This thing is more powerful than I assumed
Shini: I don't like it when you say that
Paul: Most people don't
"Does the Steel Predator have a Challenge Rating of Fuck-Us-Up?" -Brian
"Hold Monster on Mr McBitey" -Brian
"We need to find a pegasus parking lot" -Shini
Shini: This is the makings of an angry mob
Brian: Well don't do anything to get yourself lynched
Shini: Sounds like a plan
"If you have to die, it may as well be because of irony" -Davin
"With a 28 Knowledge Food check, I make you some DAMN fine coffee" -Shini
Shini: So you're drunk and on a caffeine rush. Great way to fight a zombie wyvern
Brian: I'm not drunk yet!
Shini: Why are you trying to kill Brian?
Alex: I kill cuz I love
Jim: How long does an Everburning Torch burn for?
Paul: For EVER
"Auron's a fucking ninja! Nothing can make me flat-footed!" -Brian
"Gurblahblahblah. That's what it sounds like when you're coated in slime" -Brian
Shini: Why does the Hellcat look like a triceratops?
Brian: Because that's what cats look like in Hell! Ever had a triceratops sit in your lap and purr? Exactly!
"I like how Jim defines his characters in varying gradians of bastard" -Davin
Alex: So is it the zombie wyvern?
Paul: It has chunks of skin falling off
Davin: It's a wyvern with a skin condition that's badly misunderstood
Alex: It's a wyvern with psoriasis
Alex: Drow are inherently evil
Shini: No they're not
Davin: They're societally evil
Alex: Oh. I thought they were
Paul: Nope. The book says they're evil because of their society
Shini: They also don't have bards! ::points to self::
Paul: That's why they threw you out
Shini: 'Fuck you hippie! Take your fiddle and go elsewheres!'
Gabe: And your little dog too
Shini: I JUST left the Underdark?
Paul: Yes
Shini: I just SPROUTED out of the ground...
Don: Like a plant! You've been given new life!
Shini: I'm like a flower! I need to bloom!
Paul: Describe yourself to them
Shini: I'm blind!
Paul: Describe yourself to Gabe then!
Don: I'm a large black shadowy mass
Shini: Thanks
"I'm playing 'The Ballad of Bob the Man-Eating Unicorn'! But it's in Drow so you have no idea" -Shini
"I squashle it" -Brian
Paul: It'll be a couple days before you can see without your eyes burning
Shini: First thing I'm doing is investing in some sunglasses. Nice ones, those cat-eye ones with rhinestones set in. It'll be snazzy, it'll be classy, it'll be great
Alex: Liam 'Balzar' the Hammer
Shini: The Hammer?
Alex: The Hammer! Did you see how my body impacted the ground?! Like a hammer!
Paul: On the wall you see a mural of a platinum dragon
Shini: I thought you were gunna say platypus. I really did
::scratching head:: "This isn't what I was tasting..." -Brian
"Our paladin's adorable" -Davin
"Lemme tell you about Precise Shot -- I wish I had it" -Davin
"Sleight of Pants!" -Brian
Ryan: There be fire in his loins -- FOR REAL!
Don: It's not just gonorrhea!
Shini: ::burp::
Ryan: Bless you
Paul and Brian: ::applause::
Paul: Take one xp
Shini: For being the manliest person in this party?
Paul: Yes
"At that point, you could go 'You're a turnip, get back in the ground' and they're like 'Oh, I am? Better get on it'" -Davin (about Bluff checks)
Paul: You drop him
Brian: He's the clumsy ninja
Gabe: Ralph. He's Ninja Three's cousin, they just let him come along and wear the uniform. Sometimes he gets a little ambitious
"Did we divvy up the ninja-booty or will we do that later?" -Shini
Paul: He comes up to you (Gabe), 'Hello little girl...'
Shini: 'Would you like some candy?'
Paul: I have good news and bad news
Don: Let's have the bad news
Paul: The kobold is eaten
Shini: Aww
Don: What's the good news?
Paul: He was delicious!
"It's puntable" -Don
Paul: No, you're shopping
Brian: I LOVE AXES
Don: You should get axe-chucks
Alex: I hate you
Shini: I never learnt your name
Brian: You never asked
Shini: What's your name?!
Brian: Grath'arro!
Shini: How do you spell that?
Brian and Gabe: ...Spell?
"The lion bites your Christian for XIV damage. Crapicus!" -Don
Don: Why is German such a popular language in this group?
Shini: Because you touch yourself at night
Brian: Well played
"He sparkles" -Paul
Shini: You're one of two people with longer hair than me I've ever met in my LIFE
Brian: And she KILLED the last one!
Brian: It looks like I'm going to get chewed on by a giant bug
Shini: Story of your life
Brian: It's a line of acid
Shini: You're doing lines?!
Brian: Yes!
Shini: Of acid?!
Brian: YES!
Don: I loosened it up for you!
Shini: WAAAAAAAAT
Don: He was gunna splatter it anyway!
"Whack it some more" -Don
"Bad horsie!" -Brian
"He's trying to pull off the acid sack" -Paul
"I make a mental note that you're full of shit" -Shini
Don: Point the healey-stick at that gaping hole please
Gabe: Oh really? All that positive energy flowing out the tip of that magical wand?
Don: We can call your wand a joystick if you want
Shini: You're going to Hell
Gabe: In a handbasket!
Don: I have a bonus to Spot, why do I suck so bad?
Shini: Because you touch yourself at night. Slowly going blind
Gabe: The paladin?!
Jack: It's ok, he flagellates himself for it later. And that only gets him going again
"Ok, if you do that again I'm going to jump on it next time it falls" -Bree
Jack: My Initiative is bigger than yours
Don: Let's see how you handle it. Hohohoho
Bree: Initiative envy?
Jack: Ahh! These are my specialty!
Shini: Favoured Enemy, Pirates
Bree: He must be a ninja
"Were-Doom. It's Doom, but only at the full moon" -Brian
Paul: A spear pops up from between your legs
Gabe: Is it his mighty Longspear?
Shini: I'm not still on your shoulder am I Brian?
Brian: No
Jack: If you were, you woulda had the ultimate creation: Barbarabard
Davin: You'd make a great mommy!
Gabe: Grrrrr...
Shini: Missk is a boy. Not a mommy. I'm the only one here capable of being mommy, and I am NOT being mommy to a snake
Davin: You're a girl? You have to tell me these things!
Shini: You gotta work on this gender thing, man. What are you?
Davin: I'm a kobold!
Gabe: I think they reproduce asexually
Ryan: Poink! ::mimes another kobold popping off Davin and skittering away::
Gabe: Who'd wanna reproduce with that anyways?
"He's dressed as a tree? What a coincidence, I have a huge axe!" -Brian
Ryan: Why am I knocked over again?!
Davin: Gravity is a harsh mistress
Ryan: I'm gunna jump over his head and shoot a Magic Missile
Paul: You can jump over his head or shoot from between his legs
Ryan: Oh man, I'm gunna make him seem epic. I take a knee and shoot a Magic Missile from between his legs
Gabe: Wait wait wait, burning white spurts coming from between his legs?
Ryan: I get a Fear effect from this Magic Missile!
Shini: 'You wanna see my Magic Missile?'
"You see a very angry ogre whose face is on fire. You may call him a flaming ogre" -Paul
Shini: I am so not getting in the way of his crotch missile
Gabe: But it's magic!
Davin: I was trying to inspire terror in them
Shini: He seems to have forgotten he's a kobold
Davin: I am more than a kobold! I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds!
"Hey, it's Tiny, I can save it for later!" -Davin
Brian: I used my last turn to scream and kick a table
Davin: because he hates tables
Shini: If I remember correctly, a table saved his groin last session
Brian: Well then! Let's see how the wizard likes a FLAMING half-orc!
Davin: No comment
Gabe: You could stop drop and roll - on him
Brian: BELLY FLOP!
Paul: Make a Spot check
Shini: 18
Brian: 6
Davin: No
Paul: They're tiny little snakes
Davin: Fun-sized, even!
Shini: You guys are just gunna gang-rape him
Davin: That's the plan!
Ryan: I hope that's a really small air elemental, or I'm gunna die
Davin: To be fair, that tentacle thing's gunna eat me. Or rape me. Or both
Shini: Do I have to touch someone with my wand to heal them?
Paul: Yes
Ryan: Unless it's been made with Reach Spell
Davin: Or it's a blowgun
Ryan: The Blowgun of Cure Light!
"If my kobold had a plasma rifle, you'd all be fucked" -Davin
Shini: I want a wand whose activation word is 'fuck you hippie'
Ryan: that'd be Whither Plant
Paul: You feel shaken
Alex: But he's raging
Brian: I'm angry AND frightened at the same time!
Davin: It's high school all over again!
Gabe: I hate you because you're right
"I'll drop an orca on it!" -Brian
(after Gabe uses Enlarge Self)
"You're Superdyke!" -Shini
Shini: I change my tune and start singing the Superdyke theme song. It's like the Pokemon theme
Gabe: Can it be the Digimon theme?
Brian: You're Champion kind!
Gabe: I Dykievolved!
"I greased the dyke" -Brian
"Oh no! Nonmagical wind! What am I going to do?!" -Brian
"What? Me? Oh, you're Charm Monstering me, that's sexy" -John
Brian: Paul! I want you!
Shini: Oh baby oh baby?
Brian: Dammit!
John: Everyone be quiet
Brian: Ok
John: That's the opposite of my instruction!
Brian: Ok
John: Stop agreeing and just do it!
Jim: I'm a ninja
Brian: No, you're a monkey
"I'm so satisfied with life right now. I'm riding a dinosaur" -John
"Bad touch?! OOO!" -Jim
Brian: I land like this on Rusty's Head (Crane-style)
John: How much do you weigh?!
Brian: Nothing. You might not even notice I'm there
Paul: Brian has successfully depressed the dragon
Brian: I was like 'MAN you're ugly! Ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly!'
"Did you just call me a cracker? I prefer the term 'honkie American', thank you" -John
Shini: I want a slinky!
Paul: No!
Shini: I Craft a slinky!
Paul: No!
Shini: ::rolls 19::
Paul: I can't argue with that
"There's a fine line between tickling someone and gouging out their innards" -Brian
"Go to Wee Jas! At least Wee Jas is magically delicious!" -Brian
"I need no such cookbook!" -Shini
"This will only end in tears" -Shini
Alex: Olympic Glades of Arboria. Glades sounds nice. Glades is a good word. Rhymes with blade
Shini: That's not necessarily a good thing
Alex: Blades of grass! Grass is good
Shini: You're reaching here. You're really reaching
Shini: Are you still going on about that divine rank?
Brian: I'll keep saying it till it's true!
Shini: I hate you in the face
Jim: Aww. You're so cute!
Paul: You feel a searing pain in your blood
John: Agh! My blood! That's where I keep my...
Paul: Blood!
Jim: Don't blame me cuz I take all the useful Feats
Paul: They're not useful! They're obnoxious!
Shini: Funny how those two intertwine
"Secrets don't make friends, Jim!" -Shini
Brian: That's what me and Wally do while the rest of you sleep. We gamble with pit fiends
Jim: They're really sore losers
Brian: Yeah they are
Shini: Stop smirking. I don't trust you
Jim: But why?
Shini: It's you and you're smirking. That's two for two
"Succubus door!" -Brian
Shini: Stop smirking!!
Jim: But I'm such a happy person!
Shini: I'm happy inside for you
Jim: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
Gabe: I knew I shouldn't have eaten that extra sweet roll at breakfast. If I'd just left off the sticky buns, I wouldn't have set off this trap
Shini: I'm sorry! I'll put you on a diet, Jesus!
Jim: Heh-heh-heh. Time to be on my throne of bone
Shini: How does that make you feel?
Jim: Kinda cold and empty inside
Shini: Aww
"You can't find traps but you can find THE DOORBELL?!" -Brian
Gabe: I'm sorry, we didn't know this was a home!
Paul: You rang the doorbell!
Gabe: I didn't know there WAS a doorbell!
Paul: Neither did I!
Paul: (as a dragon) Who's the delicious one?
Brian: That would be me
Paul: ::lick:: Ehh...
Brian: Now I am! ::casts Prestidigitation::
Paul: ::lick:: Mmm, peppermint!
Gabe: Great, now we have a peppermint twelve-year-old
Shini: Uuuuaaaagghhhh...
Gabe: I wasn't going to make any jokes about candy canes. I really wasn't
"You have horrible taste in... Jim" -Paul
"Alysia, don't make me strangle you. I may be sick, but I can STILL KILL YOU" -Brian
"I'm a monk-ey" -Jim
Jack: I don't care, he's hideous
Brian: He's too ugly to live!
(referring to the Vrock attacking him)
Brian: It's attacking a child
Alysia: I just got here, and what is a child doing in the Plane of Chaos?
Brian: Having a damn good time!
"It's an unwritten rule that whenever you Crit with an icepick, you stab them in the eye" -Jack
"I make a Tickle attack" -Jack
Alex: Crap! I've been skipping my last attack every time
Shini: Oops
Brian: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHNNNN!!!
Shini: Do we still get XP?
Paul: Yes. The monster cannot run away with its XP
Gabe: 'Haha! I'll take my XP with me, you bitches!'
"I did it. I killed it into butterflies" -Jim
Shini: Are we introducing ourselves?
Brian: I already introduced myself
Shini: Right. Auron the Delicious
Brian: Yes
Shini: Auron the MAGICALLY Delicious!
Paul: Yes, actually!
Brian: Well, I do carry hearts stars and horseshoes
Shini and Jim: Clovers and blue moons. Pots of gold and rainbows
Jim: And me red balloons
Shini: Why are we the fashionistas of this party?
Gabe: ::shrug::
Shini: Oh boy. I can feel my soul slowly dying
Jim: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
"No-one gives me any cool book-toys!" -Brian
Gabe: Jim, don't masturbate on the paper
Jim: I'll masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"Make a Knowledge fuckyermom check" -Shini
Brian: Gazuntheit
Shini: Dammit! I wanted to, you bastard!
Brian: Exactly!
Shini: I need to expel the demons!
Brian: I wanted them in there!
Alex: Aww, I'm all wet
Brian: I have that effect on women
"Oh. Great. We're fighting a toothy maw. Fabulous. This is awkward" -Shini
"Hey look! The Awkward faerie!" -Jack
Paul: I was being arbitrary
Jack: I woulda said assanine
Gabe: Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck
Shini: You wanna tell the class what just happened?
Paul: (as Thrivary) Stop throwing your sword at me
Shini: Oh Jesus, sorry Thrivary! I'll make you beans tonight
Paul: Damn skippy
"You have what we like to call 'schizophrenia', also known as 'batshit fucking insane'" -Jack
"Jim, with all due respect, you's a ho" -Shini
Jack: ::rolls 18:: Apparently my Dungeons & Dragons penis is bigger than yours
Alysia: Dammit!
Jack: But it has its acidic juices inside! The rulebook tells me so!
Alex: Did you say Hasidic juices?
"He face-farted at you!" -Shini
"I put the dice away! They're dead to me" -Jack
Alysia: I lay my hands on myself
Jack: The Paladin's touching herself!
Brian: The molestation of healing!
"I make an Assanine Tumble check" -Jack
Shini: I have a bad feeling about this
Alex: Don't say that! Nothing good can come of that statement!
Shini: I have to say it once each session! It's a 'Star Wars' thing!
Brian: Did Reya just become a huge ignoramus?
Paul: A small ignoramus. What's your Intelligence score now?
Alex: Eight
Shini: That's a pretty significant ignoramus
Paul: You see two wiry corpses spring up from the ground
Shini: Oh I love wiry corpses
Paul: Their skin is pulled back tightly across their faces, and they have sharp pointy teeth
Shini: It's Joan and Melissa Rivers!
Jim: They're so hot
Paul: Their skin is pale grey, and they have long vicious claws
Shini: They're DEFINITELY Joan and Melissa Rivers
Paul: They have creepy yellow eyes that burn with an unholy light
Shini: NOW I know beyond ALL DOUBT, they're Joan and Melissa Rivers
Jim: So hot
Paul: Wow. This thing is more powerful than I assumed
Shini: I don't like it when you say that
Paul: Most people don't
"Does the Steel Predator have a Challenge Rating of Fuck-Us-Up?" -Brian
"Hold Monster on Mr McBitey" -Brian
"We need to find a pegasus parking lot" -Shini
Shini: This is the makings of an angry mob
Brian: Well don't do anything to get yourself lynched
Shini: Sounds like a plan
"If you have to die, it may as well be because of irony" -Davin
"With a 28 Knowledge Food check, I make you some DAMN fine coffee" -Shini
Shini: So you're drunk and on a caffeine rush. Great way to fight a zombie wyvern
Brian: I'm not drunk yet!
Shini: Why are you trying to kill Brian?
Alex: I kill cuz I love
Jim: How long does an Everburning Torch burn for?
Paul: For EVER
"Auron's a fucking ninja! Nothing can make me flat-footed!" -Brian
"Gurblahblahblah. That's what it sounds like when you're coated in slime" -Brian
Shini: Why does the Hellcat look like a triceratops?
Brian: Because that's what cats look like in Hell! Ever had a triceratops sit in your lap and purr? Exactly!
"I like how Jim defines his characters in varying gradians of bastard" -Davin
Alex: So is it the zombie wyvern?
Paul: It has chunks of skin falling off
Davin: It's a wyvern with a skin condition that's badly misunderstood
Alex: It's a wyvern with psoriasis
Alex: Drow are inherently evil
Shini: No they're not
Davin: They're societally evil
Alex: Oh. I thought they were
Paul: Nope. The book says they're evil because of their society
Shini: They also don't have bards! ::points to self::
Paul: That's why they threw you out
Shini: 'Fuck you hippie! Take your fiddle and go elsewheres!'
Gabe: And your little dog too
Shini: I JUST left the Underdark?
Paul: Yes
Shini: I just SPROUTED out of the ground...
Don: Like a plant! You've been given new life!
Shini: I'm like a flower! I need to bloom!
Paul: Describe yourself to them
Shini: I'm blind!
Paul: Describe yourself to Gabe then!
Don: I'm a large black shadowy mass
Shini: Thanks
"I'm playing 'The Ballad of Bob the Man-Eating Unicorn'! But it's in Drow so you have no idea" -Shini
"I squashle it" -Brian
Paul: It'll be a couple days before you can see without your eyes burning
Shini: First thing I'm doing is investing in some sunglasses. Nice ones, those cat-eye ones with rhinestones set in. It'll be snazzy, it'll be classy, it'll be great
Alex: Liam 'Balzar' the Hammer
Shini: The Hammer?
Alex: The Hammer! Did you see how my body impacted the ground?! Like a hammer!
Paul: On the wall you see a mural of a platinum dragon
Shini: I thought you were gunna say platypus. I really did
::scratching head:: "This isn't what I was tasting..." -Brian
"Our paladin's adorable" -Davin
"Lemme tell you about Precise Shot -- I wish I had it" -Davin
"Sleight of Pants!" -Brian
Ryan: There be fire in his loins -- FOR REAL!
Don: It's not just gonorrhea!
Shini: ::burp::
Ryan: Bless you
Paul and Brian: ::applause::
Paul: Take one xp
Shini: For being the manliest person in this party?
Paul: Yes
"At that point, you could go 'You're a turnip, get back in the ground' and they're like 'Oh, I am? Better get on it'" -Davin (about Bluff checks)
Paul: You drop him
Brian: He's the clumsy ninja
Gabe: Ralph. He's Ninja Three's cousin, they just let him come along and wear the uniform. Sometimes he gets a little ambitious
"Did we divvy up the ninja-booty or will we do that later?" -Shini
Paul: He comes up to you (Gabe), 'Hello little girl...'
Shini: 'Would you like some candy?'
Paul: I have good news and bad news
Don: Let's have the bad news
Paul: The kobold is eaten
Shini: Aww
Don: What's the good news?
Paul: He was delicious!
"It's puntable" -Don
Paul: No, you're shopping
Brian: I LOVE AXES
Don: You should get axe-chucks
Alex: I hate you
Shini: I never learnt your name
Brian: You never asked
Shini: What's your name?!
Brian: Grath'arro!
Shini: How do you spell that?
Brian and Gabe: ...Spell?
"The lion bites your Christian for XIV damage. Crapicus!" -Don
Don: Why is German such a popular language in this group?
Shini: Because you touch yourself at night
Brian: Well played
"He sparkles" -Paul
Shini: You're one of two people with longer hair than me I've ever met in my LIFE
Brian: And she KILLED the last one!
Brian: It looks like I'm going to get chewed on by a giant bug
Shini: Story of your life
Brian: It's a line of acid
Shini: You're doing lines?!
Brian: Yes!
Shini: Of acid?!
Brian: YES!
Don: I loosened it up for you!
Shini: WAAAAAAAAT
Don: He was gunna splatter it anyway!
"Whack it some more" -Don
"Bad horsie!" -Brian
"He's trying to pull off the acid sack" -Paul
"I make a mental note that you're full of shit" -Shini
Don: Point the healey-stick at that gaping hole please
Gabe: Oh really? All that positive energy flowing out the tip of that magical wand?
Don: We can call your wand a joystick if you want
Shini: You're going to Hell
Gabe: In a handbasket!
Don: I have a bonus to Spot, why do I suck so bad?
Shini: Because you touch yourself at night. Slowly going blind
Gabe: The paladin?!
Jack: It's ok, he flagellates himself for it later. And that only gets him going again
"Ok, if you do that again I'm going to jump on it next time it falls" -Bree
Jack: My Initiative is bigger than yours
Don: Let's see how you handle it. Hohohoho
Bree: Initiative envy?
Jack: Ahh! These are my specialty!
Shini: Favoured Enemy, Pirates
Bree: He must be a ninja
"Were-Doom. It's Doom, but only at the full moon" -Brian
Paul: A spear pops up from between your legs
Gabe: Is it his mighty Longspear?
Shini: I'm not still on your shoulder am I Brian?
Brian: No
Jack: If you were, you woulda had the ultimate creation: Barbarabard
Davin: You'd make a great mommy!
Gabe: Grrrrr...
Shini: Missk is a boy. Not a mommy. I'm the only one here capable of being mommy, and I am NOT being mommy to a snake
Davin: You're a girl? You have to tell me these things!
Shini: You gotta work on this gender thing, man. What are you?
Davin: I'm a kobold!
Gabe: I think they reproduce asexually
Ryan: Poink! ::mimes another kobold popping off Davin and skittering away::
Gabe: Who'd wanna reproduce with that anyways?
"He's dressed as a tree? What a coincidence, I have a huge axe!" -Brian
Ryan: Why am I knocked over again?!
Davin: Gravity is a harsh mistress
Ryan: I'm gunna jump over his head and shoot a Magic Missile
Paul: You can jump over his head or shoot from between his legs
Ryan: Oh man, I'm gunna make him seem epic. I take a knee and shoot a Magic Missile from between his legs
Gabe: Wait wait wait, burning white spurts coming from between his legs?
Ryan: I get a Fear effect from this Magic Missile!
Shini: 'You wanna see my Magic Missile?'
"You see a very angry ogre whose face is on fire. You may call him a flaming ogre" -Paul
Shini: I am so not getting in the way of his crotch missile
Gabe: But it's magic!
Davin: I was trying to inspire terror in them
Shini: He seems to have forgotten he's a kobold
Davin: I am more than a kobold! I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds!
"Hey, it's Tiny, I can save it for later!" -Davin
Brian: I used my last turn to scream and kick a table
Davin: because he hates tables
Shini: If I remember correctly, a table saved his groin last session
Brian: Well then! Let's see how the wizard likes a FLAMING half-orc!
Davin: No comment
Gabe: You could stop drop and roll - on him
Brian: BELLY FLOP!
Paul: Make a Spot check
Shini: 18
Brian: 6
Davin: No
Paul: They're tiny little snakes
Davin: Fun-sized, even!
Shini: You guys are just gunna gang-rape him
Davin: That's the plan!
Ryan: I hope that's a really small air elemental, or I'm gunna die
Davin: To be fair, that tentacle thing's gunna eat me. Or rape me. Or both
Shini: Do I have to touch someone with my wand to heal them?
Paul: Yes
Ryan: Unless it's been made with Reach Spell
Davin: Or it's a blowgun
Ryan: The Blowgun of Cure Light!
"If my kobold had a plasma rifle, you'd all be fucked" -Davin
Shini: I want a wand whose activation word is 'fuck you hippie'
Ryan: that'd be Whither Plant
Paul: You feel shaken
Alex: But he's raging
Brian: I'm angry AND frightened at the same time!
Davin: It's high school all over again!
Gabe: I hate you because you're right
